All Your BASSshades R Belong to Us!
In all my travels to competitions worldwide, sitting in the loudest vehicles powered by the mighty SSA, I have long suffered with wandering boom eyes. I've been to countless doctors around the world; not one has been able to cure the disease. I leave every one with the warning that the next bass quake will leave me blind. "Don't listen to the SSA they say! It will shatter your senses and leave your brain mush." Fast forward to 3 weeks ago . . . . I stumble upon an ingenious invention from the mad scientist at SSA. I strike up a conversation with Aaron and he enlightens me on the mystical power of the Bassshades. It's magical, miraculous, mind bend. . . . No, MIND STRAIGHTENING! I place more order and shortly the mailman arrives. He's holding a package he deems as "Top secret Sector 7 type shit." Ladies and Gentlemen, the cube has bestowed it's power upon the Shades! I rip the package open and throw the Bassshades on with haste! EVERYTHING IS CLEAR! I run down the street shouting joyously at the top of my lungs. I call old Doc Brown and make a journey to his garage. In there is the ultimate test. The biggest, baddest, monster on the planet. . . . . The 6 foot EVIL beast! It's powered by six, yes 6 flux capacitors. Everything else it eats. Only the Flux can fulfill the needs of the EVIL! Martin comes in, plugs in his bass and gets ready to strum the baddest 30Hz cord the world has ever experienced. He comfirms we're ready. The crowd is lit! I put my Bassshades on and suddenly. . . . BOOM! ! ! Day turns to night, feet travel overhead, the fabric of space and time seem to rip. Then I wake up. Alone. I peer around, but all I see is rubble. The Evil beast has decimated everything in sight, except for one thing, ME! How could this be?! Then I think back to my conversation with the SSA Evil genius. IT's the Bassshades! They saved me! They performed exactly as named! Shading me from the apocalypse unleashed by the Evil woofer. So now I owe my life to these simple tools. We should all be so lucky, and guess what, for less than $15, we all can!
